Disgraced... Posted by B.N.A on 04:39 7 comments

      

          It was not my first time getting into that vast crowded space, everything seemed so familiar, but this time with a small yet awkward twist.

In fact it felt like it was just yesterday when I too was rushing to take one of those fluffy green big chairs and place it carefully in order to not disturb the “Titans” (That’s what I used to call senior students), and make sure to put my one shouldered bag in the top shelf so as to claim property of that tiny cubical I am supposed to study in.

It was like a mini version of the hall; big shelves were backing up the walls, filled with different editions of medical books, essays, references and other big black marked things that I can’t even name. Some recycled wood made cubicles were lined on each side giving to the mini-hall the aspect of a classy call center.

In the middle there was (and still) a long table that since day one I felt forbidden for a guy like me, without daring to ask myself why.  A huge chandelier was hanging down and giving a cozy seasoning to the mixture. In short terms: it had a royal aura all over it, you feel smart already just by getting in.

          What’s described above, was seen a couple years ago: The first thing that changed was the coziness: this morning it was as cold as a crowded place could be, and a smell of fear and anxiousness reeked out of it pale grumpy walls. It was like suffocating, fulfilled, everybody was talking and there was no respect to the few people that were actually studying.

Yellow lifeless faces turn toward the door every time it cracks announcing another “walking dead” getting in. Their eyes as empty and stupid as they can get, and their lips mumbling something that no one can translate, probably paragraphs from the mountains of books they had laying on the big table that once was the Titan’s property.

I felt suffocated, strangled, sad and angry. I looked at the book shelves: they were abandoned, dusty, and the books looked like they missed the human’s touch tickling their light white papers while turning pages with grace. I felt sad, I was not the same enthusiastic person that passed that cracking red-wood made door (and yes as you may have already assumed, I had the chance to attract all those empty dead eyes toward me).   

          The best I was able to do was 20 minutes, after which I ran out….with a promise to never lay foot in there, never ever ever.

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